5th September 2009

I long for it now, I long for everything. I missed so much, and yet so little but now my priorities have shifted. I no longer walk without a purpose. Sneer all you want, mock me, I do not care. My purpose is a human being. Never before have I been unable to tell what someone has been feeling. Humans to me have always been, transparent creatures, so easy to read, like a children's book, simpler than a children's book. But not, it. It is hardly a vampire characteristic that is being publicized, for the first time I feel, inadequate. Like, I am being controlled. I have always taken intense pride at the fact that no one controlled me, but that is no more.

1st September 2009

The word Deathwish is such an explicit term to most mortals. For me, a deathwish does not exist, for I am already dead. I do not believe anything can affect me the way they once did when I was still human. Some things still affect me more that others do, and I am selective over what I depress myself over. I no longer pine for the sun, I no longer miss the warmth of other human beings, I am long past that. I believe, a human, any human, might not pine for the sun, or prefer isolation, so why shouldn't I? I adore loneliness now, and sometimes even prefer to shun contact with others of my kind. My cold, dead hands, do not long for the touch of another human's skin. I am past that, past, caring.

16th August 2009

I understand that the way I am prohibits me from partaking in certain activities. Almost simple things like going to sleep when the sun goes down, and entering religious buildings I leave to my human form. Her thoughts are in my head, so the experiences are as true as false can be, but will still never be the real thing. Hollywood has given us stereotypes, and I am unlike those who deny those stereotypes. I accept them, for about nine tenths of them are true. We do transform, we do hate garlic, we do drink blood, we do not go into the sun, we do attack unassuming and innocent mortals for their blood. However, I must protest against some of those rather, ludicrous assumptions. Never in my wildest dreams would I dream of sleeping in coffins exclusively. I might enjoy the novelty once in a blue moon but to do so every day would be a deathwish. Not that I am not already dead.

3rd August 2009

A new beginning has arrived, I am starting to fear that the year ahead might have too much for me, that which I will be unable to bear. I put to use what little power of clairvoyance I have procured and attempt to see the future, but I fail terribly, with an even more vicious price to pay. An internal conflict rages within me, do I, or do I not? Dare I? I do not. My future is dark and bleak, and I doubt I may survive until the next All Hallow's Eve, but if there is something that I do not doubt, it is my strength. May the powers of goodness rain horrible, horrible deeds on me, but I am shielded from all their threats by my immortality. Although, immortality seems very nice, until you realize you are going to spend it alone.

15th June 2009

I have stated before that humans are hilarious creatures. Such funny beings they are. I laugh at their stupidity. My arrogance may startle you, but I doubt understanding is possible when you can hardly call yourself, similar to me. I heard the phrase "Live like you will die tomorrow" and I could not contain myself. I burst out into hysterics. The phrase does not apply to me, for I am already dead. It is idiosyncratic for humans to believe that it is perfectly acceptable to do anything they choose before their demise, whether untimely or not. I had no chance to choose what I wanted to do before my time was up, and I hardly had time for my final words. Still, the journey after death was by far the best I have taken. Alas, I do not remember myself when I was alive.

5th January 2009

I chose not to record my thoughts here for months, for other vampyre have stumbled upon this space. So I changed the name, but it will stay the same, whether or not they have seen it. I have written or done nothing that I ought to be ashamed of. I spent the last days of the New Year living with Master at her manor and I met the great Lucifer, who though he cannot, and does not wish to control me, still makes my blood run cold, if only I had any blood. He is not a man, but much more than a man. And he, thought us, much. Yet none of what we were required to learn. I am not young, I was never young since five hundred years ago. And five hundred years ago, was but a century old. To see the humans worry about their appearance is nothing but hilarious, for I've looked like this for as long I can remember, though I get tired of it, and I yearn to change what I can.

14th Febuary 2008

In the writings before, I said I do not care and I do not love, and it still stands. My human side might not have all the control I posses, and so she prefers to love and care. I mock her. My human side is worthless. She is weak, I am strong. She has no ambition, I do. She is just a sponge, filled with all of society's stereotypes. Every ounce of strength, and ambition you see in her is mine. She garners them from me. I do not bother, I have much to spare. If it were not for me, she would suffer, be trampled over by the other humans like a never-ending stampede. It is because of me that she feels powerful, to stand up for her own rights. I had never, and will never be possessed by other people. I will not answer to your biddings. For even the devil himself cannot control me.